


Scattered Petals

by hail_briar



Series: A Love Story of a Certain Archivist [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Martin Blackwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hail_briar/pseuds/hail_briar
Summary: Contrary to what some people may think, Martin wasn't an idiot. He knew it wasn't Jon the moment he saw him.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Series: A Love Story of a Certain Archivist [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107857
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Scattered Petals

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't leave this universe alone, can I? Have a Martin POV that is sadder than what I originally intended for it to be.

Contrary to what some people may think, Martin wasn’t an idiot. He knew it wasn’t Jon the moment he saw him. It was in the way he held himself, the slight hesitation in his actions, and the way he looked at him like he wasn’t some sort of nuisance. 

Maybe that’s why he chose to let him in. It wouldn't do well to be caught blindsided which was why he pretended that this creature was the actual Jon, to play along with his fabrications. It was better to keep him contained, to keep an eye on him so whatever had happened to Jon didn’t happen to anyone else. 

At least it was what he told himself. 

He kept watch and tried to ignore how his heart raced when their fingertips brushed whenever Martin handed Jon a cup of tea, or how the butterflies in his belly wouldn’t settle at how warm and soft Jon’s voice sounded whenever he called for him. 

Of course it might have just been an elaborate ploy, trying to lull him into a false sense of security until the time comes that he becomes one of his latest victims but why even bother when he could have easily been dealt with? 

He didn’t have enough information, so he waited. 

Nothing changed much except for Jon’s continued and increased presence. 

Sure he and Jonathan (it felt strange, referring to the man by his full name but it was a must to avoid confusion) might have lived together but his stay was only meant to be temporary. Jonathan was always something out of reach, something he couldn’t have even though he was right beside him. It wasn’t Jonathan’s fault, they both had their issues and Martin did his best and tried not to get in his way so much. Jonathan really wasn't that bad a guy, he just had a difficulty in expressing his emotions, deeply repressed as he was. Not that he was any better.

It was so strange to see the visage he thought he knew so well show him even a hint of a smile, much less the beam he was now sporting. To see that kind of expression directed at him when all he usually got were scowls, glares, or general indifference... Martin could just blame the redness of his cheeks on the heat and not because of how well the expression suited Jon’s face.

Was it so wrong for him to indulge a bit? Martin knew his crush on the man wouldn’t have been reciprocated in any way, and now that his doppleganger was playing out scenes plucked right from his fantasies, who was he to decline the chance to explore them?

It wasn’t healthy, he knew, to continue this farce. Was this what might have happened if only Jonathan had felt the same? Granted this wasn’t the same person, he was only sharing his face but Martin couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs. 

He shook his head. There was no point, he didn’t even know what this creature wanted with him.

It wasn’t like he could give him anything. Maybe it was pity, he saw a sad man and decided he was something entertaining, something to play with before Jon killed him. It wouldn’t be that hard, it’s not like he had anyone who’d miss him or care. His relationship with his mother was strenuous at best and his friends were more like acquaintances, he did meet them through Jonathan, they were his coworkers…

Oh god he forgot about the job, he didn’t want to deal with that conversation and he most certainly did not want to deal with _Elias._ He was going to have to explain what had happened, or rather the version of events that Jon had spun out for him. 

Martin really hoped that they would believe that.

* * *

If Jon wanted to play the amnesiac then he better be prepared for Martin to help him recall his memories. It was all mere pretense of course, so what if Martin took a trip down memory lane, so what if some of what he said were mere hypothetical situations that he wished really happened. Jon wouldn’t know the difference and that was exactly what Martin was trying to figure out.

Jon was a horrible liar, he was great at changing the subject. The subject just happened to be about Martin and how he was doing. It usually threw him off but he managed not to make it too obvious, rambling about the happenings in his life. It felt nice to be listened to sometimes, no one ever wanted to listen to him much.

There was just something about Jon that made him want to talk, something that just made him want to spill everything, to tell him what he knew. Maybe it was in the way the light hit him just right, or how sincere his voice sounded whenever he asked, or maybe it was how his eyes always looked so pleading, begging him to not to pry any further.

Martin always gave in, in the end… but it didn’t mean he gave up.

Some days he would just be so content to that he’d completely forget that this wasn’t really Jonathan. He quickly plastered on a smile that might be a bit too brittle at the edges to keep Jon from even noticing and excused himself out the room. 

He really should stop this but the experience of the feeling of someone loving him in return was just too good to pass up and he was afraid that it wouldn’t last for much longer.

* * *

Martin had always enjoyed the peacefulness of night, all the more so when it was joined by the rain. He could pretend the droplets were the stars themselves, falling from their respective places, inevitably reaching their ends, and then beginning the cycle once more. 

It painted the landscape with beautiful imagery and his hands itched to compose. He knew his meager attempts to capture its magnificence would not be enough and yet he tried anyway, weaving the words and making alterations to the script. The moment left him alone with his thoughts and this was how he chose to spend his time, creating narratives based on his experiences. It was cathartic in a way.

Martin startled and slammed his notebook closed when he felt arms wrap around his middle when Jon had decided he wanted to read over his shoulder.

“Keeping secrets from me Martin?” Martin shuddered as he felt Jon’s breath against his exposed skin. He tried not to be too affected by the words as he wasn’t the only one keeping secrets but the cadence in Jon's voice just did something to him. “You don’t need to be embarrassed, it was quite good.” Martin was glad it wasn't one of the more Jon-centric ones, he had been somewhat of a muse to him and he must not know of them. 

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Martin mumbled and ignored how nice the praise felt as he turned his head to stare at Jon. Jon — who looked adorable, all bleary eyed and with hair still mussed up from the bit of sleep Martin thought he had finally coaxed him into — pressed closer and squeezed him even more firmly. 

“Join me?” Jon asked and Martin nodded, allowing Jon to lead him back to the bed and settle themselves under the covers. 

It was less cold… less lonely now that he had Jon. Martin wondered if Jon knew that he was very touchy, always finding reasons to make casual and gentle points of contact between them, whether it be clutching onto Martin’s hand or sleeves when they went out, or the light brushes of his fingertips every now and then. It was as if it was to remind himself that Martin was real, that his tangibility was proof that he was still here. Afraid that if he let go, loosened his grip, or if he wasn’t there to make sure, Martin would slip through his fingers and disappear.

Martin understood not wanting to disappear or for things to change, it was why he decided to hold on so tightly to every moment like it was his last. Both of them clinging steadfastly onto each other for whatever reason they may have, they were going to make it work between them.

He deserved to at least have something resembling warmth and love in the short span of time allowed of him. And if anyone dared to try and pry his hands away from the happiness he had claimed for himself they better be ready to fight back. He wasn’t going down that easily.

* * *

Martin thought that maybe this time would be different. It was but not in the way he expected things to go. It had all been going swimmingly, he called ahead to make sure it would be alright if he came by this time and the lady on the phone said it should be fine. 

Everything was fine until Martin arrived. 

Everything was fine until his mother caught a glimpse of him.

Martin was barely through the door before his mother started spewing atrocities. He was trapped, caught in the maelstrom of her anger, floating amidst the debris of her contempt and loathing.

At least he finally figured out why she hated him so much. 

He hadn’t even noticed her tirade stop, or the hurried footsteps of the doctors as they rushed into the room, or the nurses escorting him out. 

His mother was sick and he had done nothing but exacerbate the problem. All he could think about was how he was glad to be out of the room, out of the way of her scathing words, how he just wanted to leave.

Did that make him a bad son? It wasn’t like she was any better though, she could barely stand to be around the sight of him and yet he fussed anyway, wanting to be good, wanting for just a tiny shred of her approval. He just wanted her to look and see _him_ and not whoever she thought he was. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently it was.

He just wanted to forget for a bit…

Jon couldn’t take the hint apparently, barging in with his concern clearly etched on his face and entire body, holding a cup of tea. It was sweet and in any other scenario he’d gratefully accept but why couldn’t he just leave him alone just this once. Now he just sounded ungrateful and Jon was probably disappointed in him. Way to go Martin, why don’t we just add that to the list as well?

People Martin Disappoints: 

  1. Mum
  2. Jon
  3. Every other person he’s ever interacted with
  4. Himself



Maybe he should have been the one to disappear instead...

He was just so tired…

But Jon needed him, he could barely take care of himself as evident by the time Martin found him collapsed on the floor. Jon stubbornly refused to tell him what had happened but Martin knew it was because he forgot to eat again or because of the lack of sleep. The man was a mess but so was he.

It was just that Jon made things more bearable, becoming a constant reassuring presence in his life. Martin had never had anyone care so much about his well being before, not to the extent that Jon kept showing him. 

Martin could still feel Jon’s weight on the other side of the bed, he never left and wasn’t that a novel experience. Martin tentatively reached back towards Jon’s outstretched hand to link both their pinkies together, shifting even closer so he could feel the warmth emanating from him.

A silent promise. He wasn’t sure what it was yet but he had an inkling that Jon would keep it nonetheless. They lay there for what felt like a lifetime, breathing and just _being._

Martin hadn't realized how cold he felt until he allowed Jon to wrap his arms around him to pull him in closer. He clung back just as tight, their limbs fitting together perfectly, like they were two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together to finish the picture of comfort and love. 

* * *

Martin woke up to the space beside him being cold and empty. The soft sounds of murmuring and sniffling drew his attention to the window where Jon was silhouetted against, framed by the windows as his hair billowed in the chilly breeze. The light of the moon shone on his slight frame, catching the grey strands in his hair and turning them silver in its wake. The image he painted was beautiful and he was sure it would have looked even better if he had his glasses on.

But that wasn’t important right now, Jon was upset and he had no idea how long it had been going for. Did this happen every night? There was no time for much speculation, he had to do something quick.

Joining Jon by his perch, he couldn’t help but notice how easily he relaxed by his mere presence. All of the tension melting away as he leaned in close, savoring the small comfort Martin had provided. 

Martin pulled him even closer as he placed a kiss upon the top of his head, letting a hand come up to card through Jon’s windswept hair, undoing the tangles and feeling Jon lean into his touch. Neither of them spoke, unwilling to cause a disturbance to the fragile peace. 

Martin was content to just hold him. A sudden urge to protect him buzzed beneath his skin, it wanted to shield him away. From what, he did not know. All that he knew was that this was a precious thing, to be a witness to a glimpse of the softness and vulnerability that was mostly hidden away. He needed to keep him safe.

* * *

Martin did not know what prompted him to tell him, to reveal what he knew, but he had to. 

Jon needed to know the truth. 

* * *

_It seemed that it was destined for everyone he ever cared about to leave him._

* * *

He told himself it was fine. He knew it would happen eventually. He should have expected it to hurt this much. 

He did what he normally did. _Routine._ So what if he accidentally made tea for two? So what if he turned around to talk to someone who wasn’t there? So what if he waited patiently for someone to come through the door?

It hurt, so he stopped. The solution was simple really, he just had to go about his life as usual. Go back to before.

Time passed. 

How long has it been? He couldn’t remember anymore. 

It was this house, so cold and lifeless. There wasn’t a moment where he wasn’t constantly bombarded by the memories that continued to linger, that continued to haunt him.

He needed to get out, it was too much.

A blurred streak passed by and stopped right in front of him. He had no time for this, he needed to get away. 

It was a cat, he wanted to ignore it and yet something about it seemed familiar. He stared harder, scrutinizing, until it dawned on him. 

It was Jon.

* * *

_The only difference now was that this one came back. This one decided to stay._

* * *

Martin couldn’t help the bubble of laughter as he cradled Jon in his arms. It might not be the same as before, it was still something. It would be different going forward but at least they still had each other. They were going to try their best to make this work. 

That was a promise.

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn’t really sure how to end this so it’s a bit weird but thank you for reading. My [tumblr](https://hail-briar.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to message me.


End file.
